I’ve been meaning to write another update for a long time now, but every time I find a moment to do it I can’t be bothered. So here it is, a reluctant post. A forced entry, if you will.

Enjoying doing absolutely nothing this evening. The past few weeks have been filled with things to do every night, but with the week over, and St Paddy’s day on monday, I now have 3 days in which to relax, get caught up on things and maybe start some new tasks.

We had new doors fitted in the flat on thursday. While the white colour certainly brightens the place up, it now means the dirty-white of the doorframes stick out like a sore thumb and will therefore need painted. I may start that this weekend. May.

May indeed. The month of May is coming up fast and there are just 7 weeks till the wedding. If you ask me it’s all organised. If you ask Carol the most important things (hair, make-up) are still to be done. In any case, organised or not, both of us just want it to be here now. This whole being engaged thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

In an effort to fill my belly and satisfy my longing for sweet things during Lent I’ve been gorging on raisins, sultanas and dried apricots. Sometime’s it’s great, sometime’s you just feel like you never want to look at dried fruit again. Everyone told me that being off sugar in tea and coffee over Lent would make me used to the taste and I wouldn’t go back. Those people don’t know what it’s like to be me. The first thing I want once Lent is over is a big mug of sugary coffee (preferably with cream) and a double chocolate chip Tesco finest cookie. Mmmhmm. My mouth is watering. As if I’ll ever get used to not eating sugar! But I like that I chose something difficult to give up. Had I just gone off chocolate it would have been easy. But there’s nothing like sugary tea after lunch. I think the only thing I would have struggled more with is potatoes.

I caught an interesting (to me) article on digg this week celebrating the 10th birthday of the mp3 player. I love the fact that I owned one of the first mp3 players in the Rio pmp300 before any of my friends had even heard of the term mp3. I remember all the exclaimations about it being the smallest radio / minidisc player they had ever seen and the confused faces when I explained it was neither of the two. Ha! Minidisc - where are you now?!

I also remember buying it on impulse after hearing my big brother talking about this new technology. It’s not like me, and when I got it home and discovered it could only store a few songs at a decent bitrate I (like a little boy would) went and complained to a bemused Dave that he’d given me faulty advice (sorry, Dave!). I soon learned to reduce the bitrate and fell in love with the little beauty. They still don’t make em as beautiful if you ask me, though my little gunmetal muvo (which I haven’t used since I got my free nano) certainly turns the heads too.

There has been a real lack of good new movies recently, but one I’d been waiting for since I saw the trailer last year was The Bucket List. I highly recommend it if anyone’s thinking about venturing to the cinema but doesn’t want to waste money on tosh like National Treasure or Rambo.

Nigel introduced me recently to Explosions in the Sky which is nice music to have on in the background while doing stuff round the house. Similar in style to the wonderful (but now overly popular) Sigur Ros they don’t quite hit the heights of the Icelandic group, but entertain me enough to stay in my collection.

With the choice of music in work being wither silence or Radio 2, I’ve been forced to listen to two things I wouldn’t normally allow. And it has led to some odd discoveries. Ignoring the fact that it’s the same tune as their previous release “She’s So Lovely”, Scouting for Girl’s “Elvis Ain’t Dead” is a fine sound. Add to that the truly magnificent “A&E” by Goldfrapp and I’m quite surprised at the things I enjoy listening to. But when I find myself liking a Gwen Stefani song I start to freak out. But, quite frankly, Early Winter is about as good as it gets.

Next thing you’ll know I’ll be liking Kylie Minogue. No, wait. I have ears don’t I?

Here’s a humorous look at the apple fanboy world. Non-geeks are good to ignore this as I’m sure you did my last post.

While taking a trip to Tesco the other evening I decided en-route that I might like to make the journey slightly shorter and give Sainsbury’s a visit instead. Now this is no admission that it is any way better than my beloved Tesco but merely a suggestion of my lust for convenience.

When I arrived I was aware the store would be closing soon (whaddupwithat Sainsbury’s?! Tesco’s 24 hour!) and so made a quick move through the aisles, stopping off to see if there was a bargain to be had at the hot food counter. Sure enough those lovely cooked chickens that I often enjoy making into 3 meals for the price of one were there on offer at half price.

“The very boy for me!” I exclaimed and quickly hurried the warm bundle of chickeny goodness into my trolley.

It wasn’t until I was home and perusing my receipt - noting that the second most expensive item on my list was a tub of raisins (Fr Ted fans read Cocaine) - that I discovered that the girl at the checkout had made some kind of divinely inspired confusibungle and I had in fact received a delicious chicken absolutely gratis.

FREE CHICKEN!

Awesomeness.

The choosing Sainsbury’s for convenience incident is sadly a hint at a troubling tendency I’ve noticed in myself recently. The hardware of choice in work is predominately apple (as far as I’m aware it’s mostly for aesthetic purposes - one of the very reasons I tend to shun the apple community) and on my desk sits a 24inch iMac, albeit with Windows XP installed in dual boot.

Now I’ll admit it is a lovely looking creature, but I’ve had no end of problems with it. Cinema 4D crashes more regularly than it stays open for one, but mostly even with 4GB of ram in there and a dual core processor it’s still slower than my old desktop PC at home (2Ghz single core, 1GB ram). Maybe this has something to do with windows running on it rather than OSX but nevertheless it is a bother for someone like me who demands excellence from my hardware.

All this has led me to consider looking at booting up in Leopard and trying to get to grips with a new interface. It was a sad moment when I caught myself suggesting that I switch to Leopard rather than buying software for both Mac and PC in a discussion in work today. I felt all dirty afterwards.

It’s a worrying trend. I remember not so long ago Paul giving out to me about using the FREE iPod I got last year. Then just before Christmas Paul got himself a new iPod Touch for his round the world travels. Where does our alligience lie?!

I’ve decided this has got to stop. If the cost of software means I have to switch to Leopard in work I will do so begrudgingly, but I will not allow myself to be hooked into the world of gimmicky laptops without ethernet ports and optical drives simply so my friends can go “oooh look at that”. I get enough of that with my sexy little red laptop. A DELL.

I’m sticking with Tesco and I’m sticking with PC. It’ll take more than free chickens to sway me.

Finding myself…by myself…for the first time in a while I figured I could use my time wisely. Instead I’m writing a blog update. Silly me.

New things this week;

Cloverfield - This was finally released in Northern Ireland on Friday night and I of course was anxious to catch up on the americans (I’ve been avoiding spoilers on sites such as digg since previews began before it’s american release on 18th January). My response at the end of the movie was to put my thumb in the air Gladiator style-ee.

Really well made, you felt like you were there with them. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend you do so while it’s still in cinemas.

It was worth the wait.

Lost Season 4 - This premiered on Thursday night and I got to watch it as soon as I got home from seeing Cloverfield on Friday night. Two long awaited screenings one after the other.

I like that we are now into flash-forwards rather than flash-backs, but it wasn’t the explosive beginning to a season that we’d been promised. More mysteries to pile on top of the many unsolved ones still hanging from the first 3 seasons.

It wasn’t worth the wait.

Piano - Carol’s piano was delivered to the flat on Wednesday and I’ve been enjoying tinkering at it. So far I’ve figured out a crude rendition of The Scientist but I’m hoping I can pick up the basics to be able to put together a few basic bars for some songs. That or become a musical genius and pull songs like A Thousand Miles out of my ears (rearrange letters as you please).

Rewatched Walk The Line last night when we had Jiggle (Jayne and Nigel) over for dinner and I have to say (on my fourth viewing) it hasn’t lost any of its appeal. Definately up there amongst my favourites. Any movie that makes me like Reese Witherspoon has gotta be somethin special.

Been listening to a bit of Michael Jackson as it was on in work and have concluded that he only ever released 4 great tracks, but boy were they great. Check out the sidebar to see what they are. Go on you Wacko. 

OK I’m bored of this now. I’m away to eat some home made meringue

With my last entry being made back in May, many of you will I’m sure have thought this blog had been abandoned. To a degree, it was. I’ve moved on to other things, and I didn’t particularly like the idea of potential employers reading my awkward ramblings on here. But I felt the need to end my exile at this particular point.

Before we go on, take a moment to read through (or at least scan through) the main points of my last entry (down below). And then laugh.

With all my concerns that I would miss out on the benefits of a huge year for the Rossboroughs, filled with blessings, I can now look back and say 2007 has been good to me too. I can see 2007 intertwined with our name now, as if somehow this was the year that made us. It’s like God just decided He was going to reshape and redirect our lives and He chose 2007 to do it. Things will never be the same for any of us because of what has happened in 2007. May God continue to bless us and bring us all closer as a family because of it.

With that out of the way, here’s an update of what’s going on with me right now.

Come friday I’ll be starting my new job - my first real full time job. I’m exited to get stuck in, it’s something I’ve been wanting to get moving for quite some time. Between now and then my dad and I are getting stuff sorted in the flat for Patrick to come up and lay our new flooring. We ripped the radiators out yesterday because we’ve switched from the stupid scam-like Economy 7 tariff and are getting in oil-filled radiators. On friday the new washer-dryer will arrive and our new brown leather suite is due into the country on the 15th. When we get that is anyone’s guess. All because little miss McPhilemy will be becoming Mrs Rossborough and taking over my life come May

Wedding plans are going well; date chosen, venue booked, dress ordered, honeymoon booked. John’s on the case of helping me find a minister to marry us and my mum’s making the invitations. All will be well!

I’m sitting typing this on my lovely laptop that I got a few months ago and have barely put down. It’s a more powerful machine than my desktop and so I’m barely using the beast for anything more than testing websites and watching movies. Once we get the flat in order though I’ll maybe soup it up with some new RAM and remedy that little bit of neglect. If you’re interested I got the DELL XPS M1330 - the sleekest sexiest lightest little laptop around. It has a Crimson red finish on the lid and pulsing blue LEDs and the most comfortable keyboard I’ve ever typed on. Even the Mac fanboys have been oooing over it. Oh yeah.

Anyway, this may or may not mark a return to blogging for me - that one remains to be seen. But for now I will go and eat some coco pops, bid you adieu and wish you all a very happy new year. May 2008 be as special for you as 2007 was to the Rossborough family.

It’s after 2am, I handed in my Major Project today after very little sleep for the past two nights, and yet tonight I can’t sleep.

I’ve a presentation of my work to do tomorrow afternoon, but that’s not bothering me. I’ve an exam next week for which I know nothing of the material, yet that’s not keeping me up. I’ve been in bed for a good couple hours now. Why am I not sleeping?

I don’t know. I should be tired. I spent last night in the labs finishing off my work, only getting to bed around 7:45am with my alarm set for 11:45am (I woke up a bit before then). The night before I barely slept, for reasons unknown to my conscious brain.

That night as I lay awake, I had to get up at 3am to feed the fish. Simply because I had forgotten to feed them for a couple days and I was awake anyway. Tonight I got up to look up domain names for a new portfolio site (I think I’ve settled on one, finally). And now I’m on here typing away like it was 2 in the afternoon.

I’ve often struggled with insomnia. Often during times of stress. Not usually when I should be content and satisfied that a major piece of work has just been handed in. I’m delighted with my work, so that’s not the issue. But I still know I’m not content.

I’m sure you’ve noticed. My last two blog entries haven’t exactly hidden that dissatisfaction.

It’s been said to me a number of times that 2007 is going to be a big year. They said it in 2006 at Streetreach. My dad said it recently about our family; two births and an early retirement (that could be a dodgy british film title, no?). Others have been saying it non stop. Wasn’t 2006 big enough?

2007 marks the end of my student life. It marks the end of my full time education. But above all that it marks the end of me being tied to anything.

I love Belfast. I love my city. I love my people. I am emotionally attached to it. But does that mean this is where I belong? There are opportunities opening up for me elsewhere. As I’ve mentioned before for the first time in my life I could do anything.

I truly have freedom. Freedom to go anywhere, to do anything. I plan to go places over the summer and try and figure out what I want to do. I sure need a holiday. I wanted to take a trip by myself for a few days. But I have friends who want to take a few days away with me too. I doubt I can afford both.

But if 2007 is going to be such a big year for me, something - anything - has to happen before it ends. I know we’re only in mid May, but that cuts out a good chunk of the year where no major life decisions have been made.

I don’t know what kind of decision I’m looking for, but I know there needs to be something. Is it a decision about a career? How about a decision about a change of scenery? Maybe just a decision that I’m in the right place and doing the right thing?

Maybe the decision I want to be made isn’t actual for me to decide. Perhaps I should stop worrying about it, stop piling pressure on myself to make a decision. Or perhaps I just need to be a man, choose something and go with it.

Risk taking isn’t in my nature. But I’m fed up with being safe and discontent. At least if I take a risk and it doesn’t work out, I can say I’ve tried.

The last thing I want is to waste time waiting.

It is new for me to think this much. I’ve always thought a lot, but never so much that my thinking gets in the way of everything else. Everything else.

I spent a wonderfully relaxing evening with my parents last night as a little celebration for my 24th birthday. Of course there was steak, chips and french fried onions, and even more, baked alaska (calm yourself andrew). But last night I found so much more.

See I’ve always felt like the child in my family. I am. But I’m also 24. I’ve always felt, whether they mean it or not, that my family have treated me like I’m still that same wee boy who used to kick the football over the fence every 5 minutes. Well I suppose if I had the chance I’d still do that but anyway.

Wait, did I say I was 24? Are you kidding me? I’m still a student (for another month!). My father lovingly reminded me that he was married at 24. My response was my brothers were married at 21. What’s your point?!

I am 24. I see it every day when I’m in uni. I love my friends. But I’ve been noticing I’m older than them. You can see the difference. I don’t mean in looks (I’m still a pasty little boy you know) but in actions. In conversation. In how I want to meet up for coffee and have a chat rather than run around the beach flying a kite.

What I’m trying to say is I’m older than my skin suggests. I’m older than people think when they meet me on the surface. Those who know me best know my age because they know my heart. They know how I think, and the things I like to talk about. Yeah of course I want to talk about how awesome United were when they tore Roma to shreads, or how someone needs to swing for Frank Lampard and not miss. Of course I want to yell “This…is…SPARTA!” at every opportunity. And yes, every once in a while I enjoy a bit of mattress diving down the stairs.

But my conversation has turned from Grand Theft Auto and Fantasy Football to God and Life. I’m building Depth of Field Adaptors instead of watching TV. I’m searching my soul and finding I’m unsatisfied with life as I know it. I’m trying to figure out who I am and what I should try next.

More than anything I want a family. Uber congratulations to Pete and Laura, who’ve recently celebrated the birth of baby Alexander James Thomas and also to Dave and Kirsi, who are also expecting their first in October. I’m excited for you all. Only a wee bit jealous

But these things don’t just fall into your lap. In the meantime my focus has to be on living life as I am. I can’t really plan as I don’t know what’s round the corner. But I have to assume that for now at least, any plans I make will be for one.

Back to last night. I think for the first time in a conversation with my parents I felt 24. Well, it is the first time I’ve spoken to them since my birthday but you know what I mean. They consulted me on a decision. Asked my advice. Well maybe they didn’t, but I gave it to them and they took it on board. I was considered mature enough to be able to make a decision. To be able to have my say in a rational unselfish manner unlike a child might. We spoke as adults. We spoke as a family.

Most of you know that one of my favourite musicians is John Mayer. And most of you also know that I haven’t listened to him in almost a year and a half because of what his music reminds me of. But recently I’ve started listening to some of his music again. Only some. And I’ve got his latest album, Continuum. I’ve been looking for new music recently, and I think this constitutes new music. It’s different to his old stuff, and yet still holds that character that I love about him. If someone was to ask me who my favourite song writer was, I’d say it depends what you’re looking for. I think Dave Matthews has an incredible way with words as you know, and the music he writes just mesmerises me at times. Chris Martin writes stuff that blows me away musically (although I’m not sure how much of that is the band rather than him). But if you’re looking for raw emotion put into words that speak with pin point accuracy and developed into melodies that carry you away into that emotion, then I’d have to say John Mayer is the best songwriter I’ve ever heard.

Two tracks stand out for me on the new album. One is the title track for this blog entry, and the other is “The Heart of Life”. Listen, enjoy, spread the word. John Mayer is finally back in my cd player.

Maybe, at 24, I’m finally growing up.

Is this what it has come to? As I sit and wait for my potatoes to boil I feel I should probably write something here. If nothing else than to vent my thoughts. Not that I’ll really do that here, but being easter there aren’t many people around and I’ve spent far too much time with myself

Work is progressing. Extremely slowly. But it’s getting there. If you want to see the work in progress visit twostepmovie.com or check out the behind the scenes stuff at the Two Step Production Diary. I’m currently working on a preloader for the first one as those images take a long time to load off that server. That’ll really need a bit of work as the last thing I want is for the site to load bit by bit.

Other than that I’ve gotta get stuck into a programming assignment, and then once all is handed in I’ve an exam to study for. After that, it’s all over.

Six years of being a student (including that year that I just lived like a student) will be over, and a new chapter in my life is about to begin. If you’d asked me all year am I looking forward to it I’d have given you a great big resounding ‘No!’ but now I’m just anxious to get out and try some new stuff, whatever that means.

The job market for a web designer is extremely tough to break into. There are no jobs being advertised so it’s a sell yourself kind of situation. My design lecturer Chris constantly tells us the big heads at major design studios are asking him to recommend graduates to him. So there’s a way in. But if you don’t make the cut in Chris’ eyes, you may as well consider a new direction.

I was considering such a thing when I recieved my first semester results. Judging by how I was marked it seemed Chris didn’t have a very high opinion of my work, and I began to think there may be another path I should go down in terms of a career. But there’s no doubt I have a passion for design, and in particular I love designing for web. My doubts were quelled somewhat when my design was chosen out of 95 of my peers for the new caramurphy.com web site (the site is yet to go live). Added to that Chris got me a one off contract to design a site for a local film company - though nothing has materialised yet.

As graduation approaches the question still remains. I’m finding myself more and more drawn to photography - and this ‘Two Step’ project has really brought to light what a passion I have for film. For either to be a serious career path or even an ‘on the side’ thing to make money from, I’d need to learn a lot more. But courses take time and money.

My friend Paul is travelling round the world next year, after working for 6 months and building up some money. It’s not my thing (I get homesick after 2 weeks away anywhere!) but I have got a real desire to see the world. Little trips here and there is more my kind of thing. Again, time and money is a necessity.

At this stage in my life I expected to be settling down, getting a career and sticking to it. But more and more people have been saying to me that jobs aren’t like that any more. You get a job for a few years, see how you like it, and maybe move onto another field. I think my ideal situation would be freelance design, photography and maybe even some film (though that’s more likely to be a hobby or side project). The problem with freelance though is if the jobs aren’t coming steady your bank balance begins to suffer. Not that I’m worried about money. I know I can survive on a lot less than I’m spending now, and I’m pretty tight compared to most people I know. But say I went a couple of months without getting a design job. How do I then fund things like marketing? I’m not a programmer. For more technical websites I’d need to hire one. Same goes with complicated flash animations. If that’s what the client is looking for they won’t go to me.

I guess it’s got to the stage when I know the next few years of my life will define who I am. The past few have begun that process certainly. But I know it’s just the beginning. I’m not willing to let a 9-5 job steal my opportunity of having life to the full. And yet maybe life to the full will involve a 9-5. If it’s true that I can easily change my career path in a few years then there’s no need to worry. But I’m not sure what I’m doing now is worrying. Just getting impatient. I’m still a work in progress, and I know I always will continue to be shaped and stretched. But I’m desperate to see it come soon. I want to be who I was born to be.

Scuppered by two posts in a week by Kirsi, my avoidance of academical work has had to be put on hold to write something of an update here on rockshore (I can’t be outdone by a girl).

So, back at uni and work piling up, not to mention plenty of other commitments, but you don’t want to hear me moan about that, do you?

Instead I’ve decided to tell you just how great some things are, and in a fit of journalistic excellence, some things that are lacking in greatness.

How great are Train? For me It’s You was my most listened to album in 2006, and as always Drops of Jupiter has been doing the rounds in my car cd player. If you don’t love these albums you’re just wrong.

Arf and I went to see Smokin Aces a few weeks back. There was very little hype abut this movie and the only advertising I saw of it was in a trailer before Apocalypto (also worth checking out, if you like the idea of Ronaldinho running from spears and arrows and using his jungle know-how to outwit his enemies - top notch stuff!). I’m surprised by this lack of marketing, because having seen it, I think it could have become a cult classic on the scale of Pulp Fiction. Now don’t get me wrong, the whole thing was ridiculous - mindless violence and mass destruction, interspersed with overly dramatic emotional moments. It was awesome. One of my initial reasons for going to see it (other than the superbly put together trailer) was the casting of Ryan Reynolds as one of the lead actors. What a legend. I wish I could grow a beard to that standard (Sam will appreciate that I’m sure). The whole thing was pointless escapism. I loved it.

Of the numerous other movies I’ve watched in the past month: Shaun of the Dead - fun, Grudge 2 - creepy, Date Movie - awful, Confetti - barely watchable, Reeker - ridiculous, Tristan and Isolde - not bad, The Wicker Man (1973) - disturbing (Christopher Lee dancing around in woman’s clothes is enough to put anyone off their dinner), Se7en - not as good as I’d hoped, The Pursuit of Happyness - best new film I’ve seen since Walk the Line, Little Miss Sunshine - thoroughly entertaining for the most part, disturbing final 10 mins.

Honey Mustard is great, Lemongrass is not. My new Nikkor 50mm f-1.8D AF lens is amazing for portraits and random artistic photos with shallow depth-of-field, not so much for landscapes or extreme close ups. Nachos with salsa and cheese are one of the greatest foods ever invented. Dolly Mixtures that taste like banana are not. Spearmint is the devil.

Really now. I have to at least do some work today.

“A shapeless piece of steel: that’s all I claim to be.
This hammer pounds to give me form, its flame it melts my dreams.
I glow with fire and fury as I’m twisted like a vine.
My final shape, my final form, I’m sure I’m bound to find.”

Tonight I picked up my guitar and starting playing through some stuff…somehow in my picking I began to play this song.

At the end of last year, I finally understood what Bebo was singing about. The anguish and confusion as you are broken and stretched; moulded into what you were meant to be was something I never really experienced. I still can’t listen to much Bebo, but this is one song I can truely identify with now and though I don’t think I’ve even listened to it in this past year I have played it on occasion, to remind myself that I’m not alone, and better things are to come.

This week has been filled with games programming and video editing (and not enough FET). These past three night’s I’ve been in bed at 4:30am, 5am and 3:30am - hopefully a little earlier tonight! Two of those nights I was in the lab working, and still didn’t manage to get very much done as it takes so long to find tutorials on the net and our course has not provided them. The ranting about the ridiculous make up of final year has been done so many times to so many people that I refuse to repeat it all again here.

On tuesday night the boys from Monkstown came over and we decided we’d make an impromptu video. Afterwards I went into the labs and edited it together (only to have to do it all again the next day - don’t ask!). If you’d like to the see the result, visit my design diary. All of this was completely improvised - hence the pauses and people talking over eachother - I think the boys did a great job under the circumstances!

title taken from “The Hammer Holds” by Bebo Norman